The Problem with Weddings
Everybody loves a wedding the theater of it all, the little gaffs, the grand phrases, the fashion and flowers, the lofty, long-term ideals. A wedding is not always shrouded in goodness and light, however. The mother of the bride is overwhelmed with worry and concern. Will the florist, soloist, and hairdresser show up on time? Will the bridesmaids be gracious, the ushers recovered from their hangovers? Will the bride be nervous, the groom appropriate? Will everybody like the dresses? And will she herself, the mother of the bride, look as youthful as possible or will she just look aged and fat? The father of the bride has his own concerns. Will he be able to afford to pay the bills that are already pouring in, or will he be in debt for years attempting to pay for the thing? Will the young man his daughter's marrying be appropriate, and will he be a good husband in the long run? Why didnt she pick that other guy her dad liked so well, the one who agreed with him about politics, religion, and the Yankees? Why did she have to go with this guy, the one who's way too independent and unwilling to take direction from anyone particularly his father-in-law to be? Most importantly, the father of the bride is worried he'll break down and cry during the ceremony when he sees that his little girl is a little girl no more? The parents of the groom are also in misery. They don't like the girl, the bridesmaids, the dresses, the flowers, the soloist, or the food that's been planned for the reception. They don't like the girl's parents too showy and loud and they really wish he'd married that other girlfriend, the one they liked so well. Privately, between themselves, they wonder why their son didnt go with her the one who agreed with the family about politics, religion, and a woman's place in the world which is in the home. The only thing the parents of the groom aren't worried about is having to pay for the wedding. But they do wonder why they ever agreed to include an open bar last night at the rehearsal dinner. Who would have ever thought that the bride's family would get so tanked and run up such a tab? In any case, the ceremony comes and goes. The bulk of those in attendance those not sitting up in the front smile and nod, commend the flowers, the soloist, the dresses in particular, the bride's gown the vows, those amusing and endearing little human moments, and those grand and lofty inspiring moments. They laugh warmly at the right junctures in the ceremony, and sometimes even applaud when prompted to do so. The bulk of those in attendance those not sitting up in front are delighted to observe the ceremony and even more delighted to move on to the reception, the food, the drink, the dancing, and the revelry. After all, what's not to enjoy? The food, the drink, and the music are free. And there's no place like a wedding reception for so thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to gossip about absolutely everything the flowers ("awful"), the soloist ("off key"), the hair ("too high"), the dresses ("too low"), the bride ("too showy"), the mother of the bride ("too fat"), the father of the bride ("too cheap"), the groom ("too slick"), the father of the groom ("too bald"), the mother of the groom ("trophy wife"), the food ("not enough"), the drink ("what, just wine?"), the last girlfriend ("she dumped him"), the last boyfriend ("his family couldn't stand her"), the bridesmaids ("frumpy"), the ushers ("sleazeballs"), and the people out on the dance floor ("boy, that guy's sure got two left feet!"). In other words, everybody loves a wedding. After all, what's not to enjoy? ****************************** Last week here in EDA Town, one of the Big Guys announced it was marrying one of the Littler Guys. It was quite the development people talking, commenting, nodding, smiling, applauding when prompted to do so. The families of both the bride and the groom put a good face on things after all, everybody loves a wedding. What's not to enjoy? But, an M&A is not always shrouded in goodness and light. Those who have a stake in the Big Company wondered if the wording was right in explaining the deal, if the Street would like it, if the Feds would approve it, if the shareholders would endorse it, if the customers would embrace it. Most of all, they worried that the move just adds to the reputation of the big companies as being aged and fat, unable to come up with something clever and new on their own, always having to purchase advances in technology rather than being able to trust/inspire their own R&D staff to come up with the cutting-edge stuff in-house. Those who have a stake in the Little Company wondered if the wording was right in explaining the deal, if the Street would like it, if the Feds would approve it, if the customers would embrace it, and if the employees of the Little Company would stick around long enough to see the thing through to completion. Most of all, they worried that people would think that the only motivation for such a move is that the owners of the Little Company want to cash in on a good thing or worse yet, that the owners of the Little Company are desperate to preserve their technology by marrying it into a more robust sales channel when it might otherwise have insufficient momentum to succeed. Of course, those who aren't scheduled to be siting up in front when the wedding finally takes place, loved hearing the news. After all, they know that after the ceremony comes the reception and the gossip fest! And what will the people be whispering to each other at the reception? Well happily, you don't have to wait. The gossip's already out there for you to enjoy! "The merger's bad because big companies swallow small companies, dismantle the team, destroy the technology and the customers lose." "The merger's good because when big companies swallow small companies, they re-invigorate the team, they beef up the technology, and the customers win." "The merger's only happening because big EDA companies are too ponderous to produce cutting-edge R&D like little EDA companies can." "The merger's only happening because little companies with mediocre technology have just one available exit strategy sell to a big guy before the mediocre technology drives the small company out of business." "The Street loves mergers; it proves the industry is viable." "The Street hates mergers because they cost a lot in legal fees and usually dont end up panning out." "Investors love mergers because there's a windfall profit for a few lucky devils." "Investors hate mergers because they never get what they feel is the true long-term value of the technology out of the deal." "Employees in small companies love mergers; they get better benefits and a more stable employer out of the deal." "Employees in small companies hate mergers; they get swallowed up in a big organization and quickly forgotten." "The Little Company was better before; now it's just tired." "The Big Company was better before; now it's just tired and fat!" "The big companies are going to keep doing this to be sure that no small companies ever get to be big companies. It's a conspiracy of oppression." "People who start companies are going to keep selling their little companies to big companies because they'd rather take their money and run, than stick around and really build something of value." "The bride's mother is fat." "The groom's father is bald." "The soloist was off key." "The flowers were horrid." "The groom's too slick." "The bride's too showy." "Ya Da Ya Da Ya Da." ************************************** And so it goes with weddings, receptions, and gossip. Eventually the buzz about this particular event in EDA Town will die down. People will move on, get back to work, plan their vacations, buy their groceries, pay their bills, raise their kids, think an original thought now and then, and only get excited again when another wedding is announced. In the meanwhile, the fundamental truths remains unchanged: The Real Problem with Weddings is not the Wedding itself. The Real Problem with Weddings is the Marriage that Follows. And Marriages are plain and simple just hard work. And that's all there is to it. ************************************** "Friend of the Bride or Friend of the Groom? **************************************
Peggy Aycinena owns and operates EDA Confidential. She can be reached at peggy@aycinena.com
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