Every now and then we need to recline, relax, lay back, unwind, and take the time to recharge our batteries –and what could be more appropriate than a steaming bowl of no-holds-barred seafood gumbo? So, here's the recipe for a fulsomely-flavored Epicurean taste-fest sensation sufficient to cause the most sophisticated of gastronomes to start salivating surreptitiously and to make a grown man break down and cry.

Regards,

Max

The following ingredients are for the main body of the gumbo – you'll have to sort out any rice, bread, and side dishes for yourself:

2 cups of diced onions
2 bay leaves
1½ cups of diced green bell peppers
½ teaspoon of dried thyme leaves
1 cup of diced celery
¼ teaspoon dried oregano
2 cups of halved button mushrooms
½ teaspoons of salt
3 large cloves of finely diced garlic
1½ teaspoons of white pepper
1 finely diced scotch bonnet or habañero pepper
½ teaspoon of black pepper
½ teaspoon of cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons of Gumbo Filé
10 thick-cut slices of bacon
1 pound of Cajun-style sausage
5½ cups of chicken stock
1 pound of peeled, medium-sized shrimp
Lots of butter (more below)
½ pound of scallops
¾ cup flour
¾ pound white fish cut into slices
1 small tin of anchovies

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If you can't get Cajun-style sausage, then Polish sausage will do nicely. Note that the teaspoon quantities in the list of ingredients do not refer to level measures, nor should you to attempt to set a new world record for the amount you can balance on one spoon – just try to aim for roughly the same sensuously rounded profile you get when you're casually spooning sugar into a cup of coffee. So, without further ado, let's gird up our loins and proceed to the fray:

1. First of all there's an art to cooking, and it starts by doing the washing up you've been putting off all day and putting all of the pots away.

2. Grill (broil) the bacon until it's crispy and crunchy; then put it on a plate to cool and set it to one side.

3. Prepare all of the vegetables, mushrooms, garlic, and scotch bonnet or habañero pepper (be careful with the latter – it’s best to wear gloves here - because these are ferociously hot and if you get the juice on your finger and then touch anywhere near your eyes you’re going to be a very unhappy camper). Put them all in separate bowls, except for the scotch bonnet and garlic, which can go together.

4. Chop the Cajun-style sausage into ½-inch pieces (cut at about a 45 degree angle because this looks nicer); put them in a bowl and set it to one side.

5. Mix the salt, thyme, oregano, Gumbo Filé, and the white, black, and cayenne peppers together in a cup and set it to one side (you'll need your hands free later).

6. Wash up all the knives, chopping boards, and everything else you've used and put them all away, and then wipe down all of your working surfaces. Trust me - you'll feel better when everything is clean and tidy (have I ever lied to you before?). Take a five-minute break and quaff a glass of wine – after all, who deserves it more than you? (Note that quaffing is just like regular drinking, except that you tend to spill more down your chest.)

7. Put the chicken stock into a large chili pan and bring it to the boil. Then reduce the heat to a low, slow simmer and leave it on the back burner.

8. Using a medium to medium-high heat, melt ¾ of a cup of butter in a large, heavy skillet until it starts to bubble. Gradually add the flour using a whisk and stir constantly until the resulting roux is a dark-ish, red-ish brown (the darker the better – try to be brave here and leave it longer than you expect). Remove the skillet from the heat, but keep on stirring until it's cooled down enough so that the mixture won't stick to it and burn.

9. Maintain the stock at a low simmer and add the mixture that you've just made, stirring it in one spoonful at a time, and waiting for each spoonful to dissolve before adding the next.

10. Clean the skillet, put it on a medium-high to high heat, and melt a chunk of butter. Stirring all the time, sauté the celery for one minute, add the bell peppers and sauté for 1½ minutes, add the onions and sauté for 1½ minutes, then add the scotch bonnets and garlic along with the mixture of herbs, salt, and pepper and sauté for one more minute. Finally, chuck the whole lot into the chili pan with the stock.

11. Break the bacon into ½-inch pieces and toss them into the stock. Flake the anchovies with a fork and cast them into the stock. Hurl in the Cajun-style sausage and the bay leaves. Also, if you happen to have any lying around, add a couple of teaspoons of English Worcestershire sauce. Cover the chili pan and leave on a low simmer.

12. Return the skillet to a medium-high to high heat and melt another chunk of butter. Sauté the mushrooms until they're golden brown and squealing for more, then use them to swell the contents of the chili pan.

13. Simmer the whole mixture (stirring often) for at least one hour, which, by some strange quirk of fate, will give you all the time you need to wash the skillet and the dishes you used and put them away again. If you're ravenous you can proceed immediately to the next step. However, if you're wise, you'll remove the heat and leave your cunningly captivating creation to stand overnight (chilies, stews, curries, and gumbos always taste better if the ingredients have the time to formally introduce themselves). When you're ready to chow down, heat it back up again and proceed to the next step.

14. Add the shrimp, scallops, and fish. Bring to the boil then return to a simmer. Maintain the simmer until the seafood is cooked (I personally opt for around 15 minutes just to make sure) and you're ready to rock and roll.

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